The God of Reconciliation
A couple of weeks ago we went back to Davenport to visit family, hit up a ton of Goodwills, and hang out with our super great friends, The Spitzers. I also had a chance to meet up with my friend David. That’s significant because I hadn’t spoken to David in over two years, which I guess means we need a back story.To call David my friend, even my best friend, would betray the reality of our relationship. He is the only person who was with me through every single stupid thing I did growing up, every hurtful experience I had. We shared all of our burdens together, endured all of our our sorrows and joy, and tolerated one another when behaving less than charitably. He was a faithful (if sometimes conflicted) bandmate, the best man at my wedding, and an ardent supporter of my many business adventures. The only person who knows me better on this earth is my wife. This man isn’t my friend; David is my brother. Maybe like the story of David and Jonathan without the modern day homoerotic theology hijacking.
When Jenny and I got married we moved out to Marion, Indiana for a couple of years, and over that time all of my old friends moved forward together without me. That was expected but it made me a little insecure about my relationship with David. It continued on even when we moved back to Davenport. One day I made a smart remark (jokingly) about David to a different friend, who told David, who then asked me about it. This now requires a separate back story, or rather a fact: I had a major habit of viewing people (even friends) in terms of their utility in my life. If I decided there was no benefit to either myself or the other person by being in that relationship, I’d terminate it rather easily. I was at that point with David. I had reached such a place of insecurity that when David questioned me about the comment, at that very moment I blew him off. I turned around and never looked back. At least I didn’t plan to look back. I was plagued with “bowel-shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse” almost from the get-go. But I also happen to be stubborn, so I didn’t do anything. I had kid, he had a couple. I started seminary but never had a friend to share with. I never considered how much damage it did to me to not do anything.
I’ve written a ton of times about the beauty of Divine Liturgy, of the beauty of the temple. Every Sunday I stand in service with those icons staring at me. I look up over the altar and I watch the Platytera ton Ouranon icon and I feel like the Panagia and Jesus are looking into my soul. All I can do after service is consider this terrible practice of viewing people in terms of utility. I looked back at all of the relationships I let die and felt a great deal of remorse. I felt like my Mother was gently chiding me for behaving so terribly, and urging me to pray to her Son for forgiveness. I felt like the Holy Spirit showed me the love of the Father’s creation, and I saw that my relationship with David was a model for how the Body of Christ lives. I had to be reconciled to David. So I sent him an email apologizing for my behavior. I told him I didn’t expect to be together again, but that my soul couldn’t be right with God until I was reconciled to him. And God honored my plea.
David emailed me back and said he forgave me, and that we need to get together for a couple of drinks. And so we did, and it was amazing. It was strange how easily we picked things back up. I’m so thankful to have him in my life again because I honestly felt like a piece of me was missing without him being in it. Last week I had my own chance to forgive another friend. Nine years ago he told me he never wanted to talk to me again (for something that was completely not my fault). He apologized for being so rude and said he was wrong. Because someone was so gracious to me, I was able in turn to be gracious to someone else.
This has given me a fresh perspective on the redemptive and reconciling nature of God, His ability to take chaos and bring it into order. If God can reconcile me to David, what else can He do? I pray that if there is someone you’re estranged from, please pray that God will bring you together. Ask the Panagia to show you a way to make it happen. If you can’t get back together with this person right now, commit to praying for them in the meantime. Our lives are empty without our loved ones to share with us.
Beautiful